Court Humor

March 23, 2009

I laughed so hard when I came across this material as they are (supposedly) things people actually said in court. I hope you will enjoy this as much as I did. Enjoy!

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to the deposition notice I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.

Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

This Post Has 16 Comments

  1. Kenneth

    Hehehehe…Indeed, laughter is one of the best medicines to take away stress. It is next to prayers. Thanks for sharing those jokes Sir Francis. God Bless.

  2. irmeena amil

    very funny indeed, hahaha… i like it when you spice your talks with anecdotes..

  3. John-John R. Castillo

    Good joke… It add spice to your life… More please…

  4. Melvin Arceo

    Very very funny. Thanks sir Francis!

  5. Janet Dorado Taylor

    Hehehehehe, you are still very funny. It is good to start the day with laughter after prayer. Thanks.

  6. marichu

    Than was very funny, Francis. It made my boring day brighter . . laughter is indeed the best medicine. . keep it up and thanks


    hahaha. so nice! Oh…we super love you sir francis! thank you so much!

  8. Ellie

    Love it, 2 thumb up, especially the last part

  9. Cecille E. Cruz

    Hi Francis,

    I am into sales group in PLDT, We do events every now and then, I am thinking that since you inspire a lot of people, you will also inspire particular group of people who are business owners whom we target in our every event. May I know if we can invite you to give a special seminar which will tacle very interesting subjects for business owners? We used to invite business owners for a dining in launges in Bonifacio Global City every Friday, But I think this is not effective enough to get big attendance. Since you are popular, and many people make you their mentor because you educate people and inspire people, I think many businessmen will be more willing to see you speak in our event to draw more businessmen to attend. May I know Francis if you accept this kind of invitation? If possible, since i dont have the knowledge how to go about dealing with this kind of arrangement, may I request a sort of “how to invite you and how much do you charge for 2, or 3 or half day seminar and everything we have to know to make it possible.

    I know you are busy but I will still wait for your reply once you are available.

    I am your fan.

    Cecille E. Cruz
    Industry Officer
    PLDT Small and Medium Enterprise Group

    1. Francis Kong

      Hi Cecille,
      Thank you for your kindness.
      Sorry for the late reply. After the very successful SMX Big Event (Butch Jimenez was one of my speakers) last Friday, I flew to Bacolod yesterday and gave 3 talks and 2 tv interviews. No wonder I am exhausted. But anyways…
      I am not sure where you hold office but I am actually doing training for PLDT in Innolab starting this Tuesday and Wednesday.
      and when I did the talk for BDO SME last Thursday, Francis Oliva of PLDT SME Nation will meet me this week for some exploratory talks.

      I have been told by my clients that business owners/distributors and the like no longer want entertainers, cocktails, games, politicians and some are not even interested in economic briefings. But most of them want to take home something they can learn on how to improve their business and their family lives. They are hungry for topics that can help them in their self-development and growth.
      Another way to put it is that they want to be inspired.
      I go all over the country doing this for my clients and I am quite familiar with how this works. I do not know what your requirements are and would love to explore possibilities with you. Rates and fees would depend on the scope of your requirements and needs. Sometimes it’s just a plenary talk or some times it’s a workshop style as well. It all depends on your needs but would be glad to offer ideas.

      Just one favor, because I do training everyday and am mobile as I travel both locally and out of the country for talks and trainings, may I therefore kindly request that you touch base with my associate Ms. Rara whose landlines are: 7275692 / 7270291. Her email is and her cp is 09209530498
      Please feel free to contact her and have her set up a meeting should you desire it and I will be very glad to meet you and chat and have coffee. (my treat of course!)

  10. Emily Villanueva

    Hello Francis…
    Correction…4 talks and 2 tv interviews…hehehe…
    Hoping for a rerun next year…

  11. Pastor Dolfs

    Proverbs 17:22a-“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…”
    It’s always fun reading clean jokes.
    Thanks for the laugh.

    We need more…

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