I laughed so hard when I came across this material as they are (supposedly) things people actually said in court. I hope you will enjoy this as much as I did. Enjoy!
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to the deposition notice I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.