AMUSING SIGNS

Here is a collection of amusing signs and the businesses they represent:

1. From a Plumbing Truck, the sign says: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
2. Pizza shop slogan:  “7 days without pizza makes one Weak (w-e-a-k).”
3. At a tire shop :  “Invite us to your next blowout.”
4. Door of a plastic surgeons office: “Hello, can we pick your nose?”
5. Sign at the psychic’s Hotline: “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
6. At a Towing Company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
7. Billboard on the side of the road: “Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”
8. On an Electricians truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
9. In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
10. On Maternity Room Door: “Push, Push, Push.”
11. At an Optometrists Office “If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve come to the right place.”
12. On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
13. In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
14. On a fence: “Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive.”
15. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary, we’ll hear you coming.”
16. In a Veterinarians waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!”
17. Inside a Bowling Alley: “Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop.”
18. In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”
19. In a counselors office: “Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.”

I wish life would be simple.

You put up a sign and people would understand you or you put up a sign and things would be all right. But it just doesn’t happen that way.

Supposed like could be like a computer?

• If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!
• To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!
• If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
• To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
• To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
• To improve your appearance, just adjust the display  settings.
• If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
• When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.
• “Help” with the chores is just a click away.

• You wouldn’t need auto insurance. You’d use your diskette to recover from a crash.
• We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.
• To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”. Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.
• To undo a mistake, click on “back”.
• Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.
• If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

But life is not a computer and neither could putting up a sign makes life all right.

Too many people wake up in the morning and allow their lives to run on auto-pilot.

We need skills to live life successfully.

Attend seminars. Read books.

Attend church and pay close attention to what the ministers are saying.

And most importantly, read the Bible.

Stay connected to its Author.

He created us and He knows what’s best for us.

And when one day our stay in this planet is over, perhaps the best sign that could speak of us is an arrow that points towards heaven.

For that is all that matters.