Somebody wrote a story about him and I do find his life inspiring.

Roger Crawford had everything he needed to play tennis – except two hands and a leg.

When Roger’s parents saw their son for the first time, they saw a baby with a thumb-like projection extended directly out of his right forearm and a thumb and one finger stuck out of his left forearm. He had no palms. The baby’s arms and legs were shortened, and he had only three toes on his shrunken right foot and a withered left leg, which would later be amputated. The doctor said Roger suffered from ectrodactylism, a rare birth defect affecting only one out of 90,000 children born in the United States. The doctor said Roger would probably never walk or care for himself. Fortunately Roger’s parents didn’t believe the doctor.

“My parents always taught me that I was only as handicapped as I wanted to be and they never allowed me to feel sorry for myself or take advantage of people because of my handicap. Once I got into trouble because my school papers were continually late,” explained Roger who had to hold his pencil with both “hands” to write slowly. “I asked Dad to write a note to my teachers, asking for a two-day extension on my assignments. Instead Dad made me start writing my papers two days early!”

Roger’s father always encouraged him to get involved in sports, teaching Roger to catch and throw a volleyball, and play backyard football after school. At age 12, Roger managed to win a spot on the school football team.

Before every game, Roger would visualize his dream of scoring a touchdown. Then one day he got his chance. The ball landed in his arms and off he ran as fast as he could on his artificial leg toward the goal line, his coach and teammates cheering wildly. But at the ten-yard line, a guy from the other team caught up with Roger, grabbing his left ankle. Roger tried to pull his artificial leg free, but instead it ended up being pulled off.

“I was still standing up,” recalls Roger. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I started hopping towards the goal line. The referee ran over and threw his hands into the air. Touchdown! You know, even better than the six-points was the look on the face of the other kid who was holding my artificial leg.”

Roger’s love of sports grew and so did his self-confidence. But not every obstacle gave way to Roger’s determination. Eating in the lunchroom with the other kids watching him fumble with his food proved very painful to Roger, as did his repeated failure in typing class. “I learned a very good lesson from typing class,” said Roger. “You can’t do everything – it’s better to concentrate on what you can do.”

One thing Roger could do was swing a tennis racket. Unfortunately, when he swung it hard, his weak grip usually launched it into space. Roger stumbled upon an odd-looking tennis racket in a sports shop and accidentally wedged his finger between its double-barred handle when he picked it up. The snug fit made it possible for Roger to swing, serve and volley like an able-bodied player. He practiced every day and was soon playing – and losing – matches.

But Roger persisted. He practiced and practiced and played and played.

Surgery on the two fingers of his left hand enabled Roger to grip his special racket better, greatly improving his game. Although he had no role models to guide him, Roger became obsessed with tennis and in time he started to win.

Roger went on to play college tennis, finishing his tennis career with 22 wins and 11 losses. He later became the first physically handicapped tennis player to be certified as a teaching professional by the United States Professional Tennis Association. Roger now tours the country, speaking to groups about what it takes to be a winner, no matter who you are. You can learn more about him in his website http://www.rogercrawford.com/.

“The only difference between you and me is that you can see my handicap, but I can’t see yours. We all have them. When people ask me how I’ve been able to overcome my physical handicaps, I tell them that I haven’t overcome anything. I’ve simply learned what I can’t do – such as play the piano or eat with chopsticks – but more importantly, I’ve learned what I can do. Then I do what I can with all my heart and soul.”

What a great lesson to learn.

So what is it that you can do and why not do it well?

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1. You need a time of solitude. A quiet time experience if you will. Intervals of solitude.

By the way, it is important to remind yourself that solitude is not loneliness. Solitude is a chosen form of isolation; it is good for you. It provides you with the necessary dimensions of space and time to figure things out, to work things through. It is good to be alone but it is never good to be lonely.

2. You will need friends. You have to get visible, tangible, audible human support–to help you fend off loneliness as you try to get to know yourself, plan a strategy to market yourself, and then stick to your plan, without losing heart, as you work through the implementation stage of a well-planned strategy.

3. You need focus. A financial services manager in California put it briefly and simply: “Getting a new position is my responsibility, and working to that end calls for dedication, innovative thought, and persistence. Personal networking is extremely important. I’m preparing a larger nest egg in case it happens again. Finally, I’d advise others: don’t be bitter or vengeful.” This will surely affect your next job and sometimes the damage becomes an irreparable part of your character.

One piece of advice. Do not bad mouth your employer or your company even if they deserve it. There is no such thing as a perfect business organization and similarly there is no perfect employer too. The problem with bad mouthing is that it indelibly forms a permanent shape in your character and you bring it with you wherever you go.

Job interviewers always sense this and they begin to rationalize. At the back of their heads they will say, well, if you were not satisfied with your previous employment then what made you stay with them anyway? Second is this. If you have the destructive capacity to spread poison all over the place, then what would stop you from doing the same to your new employment the moment you’re not happy with the way things are being run.

4. You need to have a healthy sense of perspective. How you react to the current situation, NOT THE SITUATION will determine your rate of future success – or failure. Understand the following:

You were not responsible for the job loss. There’s absolutely no one to blame for what happened. The economic crisis is upon us. Change is upon us. Things will be more difficult from here on so if you have the habit of blaming yourself, then stop this foolishness immediately.

Next, understand that failure is not fatal. It is not a permanent stumbling block, it is a stepping stone. Remember that failure is an event – not a person. You’re simply out of a job that’s all, you’re not a failure. Just because you don’t have a job now does not mean your worth and value as a person has been diminished.

Let me end with a special thought courtesy of Louisa May Alcott, author of “Little Women,” who was encouraged by her family to try to find work as a servant or seamstress. “You put your trust in God. Submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Because you and God can set a winning course. Hang on to those goals and dreams – even if no one else does!”

Remember:
Walt Disney was once fired from a newspaper for lack of ideas.

Thomas Edison’s teacher said he was too stupid to learn anything.

Albert Einstein’s teacher once remarked that Albert was “mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.”

Leo Tolstoy, author of “War and Peace,” flunked out of college and was described as “unable and unwilling to learn.”

The father of world-famous sculptor Francois Rodin said, “I have an idiot for a son.” Henry Ford went broke five times before he succeeded.

Beethoven’s teacher called him hopeless as a composer.

There’s only one thing I ask of you before we finish this series with our concluding part tomorrow. That a few years from now, your name will be added to this list so that you will be used by God to encourage someone else too.

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One day a little girl was visiting Sunday school when her teacher asked to which religion or denomination her relatives belonged. “Is it Catholic, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians OR Seventh-day Adventists?”

The little girl replied, “I think they are six-day atheists.”

Many people I know have become nominal Christians and practicing atheists and they can be found in the work place. They don’t want this to happen but somehow it does. The pressures of the city and the demands of work have made life difficult and developed a sense of cynicism in them.

“I’ve got a family to feed. No time for spiritual stuff.”

“My boss is breathing down my neck.”

“I have to reach this month’s quota.”

“We have a difficult planning session ahead of us.”

“I know religion is important but the demands of work suck the life out of me and I just don’t have the time for it.”

Life becomes like running on a treadmill. Faster and faster but getting nowhere.

Oh how desperately we need to reconnect. Reconnect with our Maker and to take time to be still. An expensive spa treatment may de-stress us for a moment. A few days off and a few more hours sleep may bring back a little rest into our system but how do you deal with a growing sense of cynicism and skepticism that has somehow hardened our once tender hearts? How do we bring back sanity to life and more importantly, how do we recharge our connection with God. I have found a way. But first let me tell you what happened.

I couldn’t say no. When the chairman of St. Luke’s Medical Center Robert Kuan invited me to join him for a trip to Sagada one year ago I didn’t have the heart to say no. I did not even tell him I suffer from motion sickness every time I go up a ZigZag Road. Baguio was bad enough for me let alone additional hours in getting to Sagada.

Do you know why I could not say no? Because I can see the gleam and the sparkle in his eyes every time he talks about the place. He talks about what he and the hospital have been doing to help rebuild the Episcopal churches in the north. Renovating, restoring, improving the facilities and bringing joy to their community. And this time he says, “I would like to invite you to speak to the different communities there. I will organize learning sessions for school teachers, students, parents, community leaders and here’s the bonus, you get to enjoy the place too. Now that brought a gleam and a sparkle to my eyes. Robert really knows how to get me.

Flying back from San Francisco, the Ilocana (a term I lovingly assign to my wife Lilia) and I went home, unpacked our things from our trip to the U.S; packed our things for the Sagada trip that starts 2 o’clock the next morning. 13 hours of flight followed by another 12 hours of land trip is more than enough reason to give me an exciting concoction of jet lag and motion sickness and I had it. But the moment I got out of the car, looked at the view, basked in the beauty of God’s creation breathed in the fresh air and all signs of discomfort disappeared within minutes.

I have never been a “nature” or “mountain” person. Beauty sceneries do not thrill me. I am more of a steel, glass and concrete kind. Yet the beauty of Sagada mesmerized me. And then I met the people, they were simple and beautiful and I felt so small in the vastness of God’s bigness and privileged being given an opportunity to speak to them.

Every person in our entourage had only one thing to say. They looked at the mountains, they look at the clouds, they looked at the rice terraces and the experience brings them to utter the words, “How beautiful is God’s Creation!”

Aha… atheism flies out the window… unbelief is replaced by a sense of awe and wonder. Cynicism and skepticism substituted by faith; faith that there is a Master Designer in the universe. Faith that coincides with what the Psalmist says: (NIV) The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Funny, once I got there the motion sickness disappeared. Jet lag has given way to wonder. It’s one of the most unforgettable experiences in my life. Suddenly, the glamour of San Francisco, the modernity of New York and the charm of Atlanta could no longer compete with the majesty of God’s creation called Sagada.

Feeling stressed? A foot spa may be good especially for the feet. Visit Sagada and experience a soul spa. And while you’re there, thank the Creator for His creation.

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Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

“Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.”

So I guess that took care of business.

Kids. We just have to deal with them with the right words.

Some parents are so exasperated with their kids and the way they behave and you see this visibly as you hear their conversation-taking place.

One father said, “My son has a new nickname for me-”Baldy.” And so I told him,” said the father: “Son, I’ve got a new word for you-”Heredity!”

One father complained that his son is at that age where he’s got to be so cool.

“Dad, can you drop me a block away so I won’t be embarrassed?”

“You want to be really cool, walk the five miles!” Says the dad.

Being cool means knowing the names of the latest bands. There is a band, no I’m not making this up, named “Garbage.”

“Son, what is that garbage you’re listening to?”

“Hey dad, I didn’t know you were that cool!”

“What is that crap?”

“No dad, Crap opened for Garbage.”

“Son, this is madness!”

“Dad, Madness broke up over a year ago! You’re really not so cool.”

How could the father know that all those ugly words pertained to the names of different musical bands?

One father is just about given up. He says: “My son’s got roller blades, a skateboard and now he wants a BMX bike. And so I told him, “Son, if you want to die let me kill you. I save money and we both get something out of it!”

When I’m tired and I’m about running low on patience, then that’s the time I make sure that I should be very careful with the words I use on my kids. One incident never left me. Bryan came to me with a red mark on his report card. Every vein and artery within my system begins to boil and was about to blow up. How easily I would have said, “You’re a big fat failure.” Boy, I was that close to saying it. But out of the mercies of God I said instead, “Bryan, I am absolutely disappointed with what you did or what you failed to do. But I have my full confidence that you could do better and I know you will.”

So what happened there? Well, I separated the event from the person, the sin from the sinner. Had I told him to his face that he was a failure, it carries the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy and then I will have to regret that for the rest of my life.

No. I don’t want to.

I’d rather affirm, encourage and admonish because I want them to grow up confident, secure and strong knowing that their dad will be there behind them every step of the way.

Parenting is not easy but then every incident and every experience is a learning process. Funny but I had to be a parent in order to understand what my own parents have been saying all along. And mind you I’m still learning. I really am.

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Let’s look at tip number 8.

8. BE ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR FRIENDS

In our leadership training programs we stress the importance of having a mentor or the need to be mentoring someone. I am fortunate to be in the company of successful business people and we meet once every week, sharing ideas, praying for each other and as we find ourselves accountable to each other we are. Friendship is the greatest support system in the world. Make sure you have friends who are firm and honest enough to tell you not just the things you want to hear but the things you need to hear. My friends keep me on track. They share my burdens and they celebrate my victories. It’s a great depression buster just to have people there for you when you need it most.

9. DON’T JUST STAND THERE DO SOMETHING

Sulking in a corner is the worst thing you want to do when you are down and depressed.

The fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new project. Get into your hobby. Get those shoes on and shoot some baskets. Make yourself useful. Help out with your civic organizations projects and help make this country a better place. Take a course or try a new sports. It’s invigorating. Some people I know hit the crafts store or the hobby shops and as for me, I clean my cabinet and my drawers. A cluttered place only makes you a little bit more miserable. It’s also a good time to get into my hard drive and arrange and rearrange my files.

10. JOURNALIZE THE EXPERIENCE

Trials and tribulations are times when great lessons are learned. One of the reasons why people make mistakes over and over is because of their short memory. They do not even keep record on the precious experiences they have gone through. When you read the records from the past you will be able to see your situation in a more enlightened way. Records are precious but most people take this for granted. I keep mine. It’s all recorded together with my prayer items and requests and when I look back I can see how God answered my prayers and I can relearn the lessons learned from my past experiences.

11. DON’T JUST DO SOMETHING DO NOTHING.

God is still in control and I am not Him. This is why when a situation comes that is bigger than what we can handle, sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing.

Tomorrow is another day. The tides will turn the situation will change but you just need to be alert and observant. Which brings us to tip number 12 as we conclude this series.

12. EVER TRIED PRAYER?

Ever wondered why The Bible says we are to welcome trials and tribulations? Out of these challenges our character is formed our faith is strengthened. This simply means that difficulties will come and sometimes depression hits as hard like a rock. But these are the times when we need to stay strong not on our own strength but on God’s promise that His plans for us is not for calamity but for our own benefit. There will be times when we cannot see God’s Hand but we can still trust God’s Heart. His love for us will never fail.

Depressed? Don’t we all.

Somebody says, look around you and you will be depressed. Look behind you and you will be obsessed but look up to God and you will be blessed.

So where are you looking my friend?

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If you claim to be a person who is never depressed then you may be fooling yourself.

I will never forget talking to a leader of an institution who claims he is never depressed. I asked him why and I asked him how he deals with it. He says, “I do not know what depression is because I always come to God in prayer.”

Wow! I said to myself. This loser is better than David, Elijah, Peter and Paul in the Bible. He thinks he’s superman and now he has made me depressed!

No one is exempted from depression.

Feeling bouts of depression is normal unless you are abnormal. But staying depressed all the time is abnormal.

Today we will tackle the next one.

7. CONSULT THE EXPERTS

The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there is wisdom.

Try to ponder that for a while.

Take the reverse of the statement. It simply means that if you think by yourself and you do it by yourself then you may be dumb.

Most people are embarrassed in asking for advice. They are afraid that people may judge them as dumb. But the truth is that you are already dumb if you think that way.

Wise people understand that there are people who may have gone through the same situation, handled it well, discovered ways to deal with it and getting advice from them would indeed be very helpful.

People have come to me for advice. I try to counsel them to the best of my ability. But the one thing I have observed about this is that it is quite easy to offer advice to people who are in trouble because I am away from the situation. It is quite a different thing to be in the middle of the situation and the seriousness of it could have a debilitating effect on my own ability to see things. Having an outsider’s view and perspective at this point would be very helpful.

Now here is another key.

When the advice is given, you pray about it and when you have peace, and it confirms to the teaching of The Word… then do it!

Somebody says: “Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. says: “It’s a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, and normal to ignore it.”

Often times it is not the lack of advice that pulls a person down. It is the lack of resolve for the person to work on the advice and follow it.

Ever wondered why The Bible is full of godly advices yet people ignore it?

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How do you fight depression?

Here are some more depression busters.

5. KNOW YOUR STRENGTH ZONE AND KNOW YOUR WEAK SPOT

What motivates you? What brings a sparkle to your eyes? Ka-Cheng-Ka-cheng if it’s the Peso sign that is not a sparkle. You will be at your best when you are working within your strength zone. You will be at your poorest or at best, average if you force yourself to work within your weak spot.

You need to know what your weak spots are.

If you are a recovering alcoholic then bars, beers and Happy Hour are not exactly tplaces and things you would like to return to. If you have had relationship problems with your spouse then spending solitary moments in the presence of somebody from the opposite sex is not exactly a healthy idea.

If you find yourself in your weak spot then you get depressed. And if you stay in your weak spot you will stay depressed. What you need is to get away from your weak spot and enter into your strength zone. Do what you enjoy doing that takes away your focus on your current disturbing situation which leads us to the next point:

6. ENTER INTO HEALTHY DISTRACTIONS

People who suffer from addiction know this. Distractions take their minds off cigarettes, alcohol, pornography or even suicidal tendencies. Some people go into crossword puzzles as hobbies. Now this is not for me. Crossword puzzles are not within my strength zone. The more I do them the more depressed I get.

Playing with my dogs, taking care of them would be a good distraction for me. Walking the dog is therapy for me. When the writer’s block is upon me, I switch to active rest. Pull out my Playstation and play my one and only favorite game and that’s NBA Live and pretty soon after the game, I would be refreshed and ready to put some more words into my work.

Some people do card games The Ilocana my wife cleans the house. This is why when I come home and find my house neat, clean and topsy turvey then I would suspect that she probably went through some moments of challenges that prompted her to look for such healthy distractions. Sports is another option. Maybe gardening or doing crafts. You can be creative and you can find healthy distractions. But watching TV and viewing all those deep dramatic soap operas may plunge you into deeper depths of depression.

Get real. Depression is a killer. You will not be able to function at your best if you are constantly imprisoned in depression.

Robert Burton says: “If there be a hell upon earth, it is to be found in the melancholy man’s heart.”

To some people, despair is a way of life. And what makes this thing bad is that it SUCKS! It is highly contagious and it wearies the soul.

Contrast this to what Paul is saying in the New Testament. He says: Rejoice and again I say Rejoice.” It’s a command and it’s not even a suggestion.

to be continued…

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This is the usual line I get from people and clients who would invite me for keynote speeches or even whole day trainings. And guess what the most requested topic these days would be?

Hard Times. Difficult Times.

Now you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that we are headed for hard times or maybe for a lot of us are in it already.

I just got a call from an old time friend who used to be in the garments industry. The old familiar words were said once more: “Francis, I closed down my factory because we just were not making money anymore.”

And this causes depression to a lot of people I know.

Depression is a killer and if you don’t have a personal toolbox that contains depression busters then you may just add one more problem to the many you already have.

Here are some anti-depression tools you may find useful.

A toolbox of ways to overcome everyday emotional struggles and find peace.

Remember this: If you do not want to hit bottom-stop digging the hole.

Let’s look at some of the ways to beat depression.

1. REALIZE YOU ARE NO SUPERMAN. DUH!

There are things you can do and there are things you can’t do. Success has a way of making people think they’re invincible. And then comes the fuel price increase, the food shortage, global warming. If you can fix this then go ahead and do so if not then realize there are things you have to accept and feeling depressed and miserable over what you cannot control is not going to make your situation better. Ever tried prayer?

2. MIX WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE.

When you are feeling down make sure you find the right people you want to be with. Even the Bible says “Bad company ruins good morals.” There are doomsday prophets and naysayers out there whose job it is to make people share their own misery. These are the same people who brighten up the room by leaving it. Positive people offer encouragement and positive people are usually tough people who have outlasted tough times. Learn a thing or two from them. I am so fortunate I belong to a group of very dynamic business people who are not only successful and positive but they take time and seriously pray for one another especially those who are going through tough times.

3. SWEAT IT OUT.

Take out your running shoes or get into your basketball gear and channel your energy into worthwhile exercise. Every time I hit the treadmill I realize that I spend energy on being healthy and it gets my mind developing more creative ideas. Some may help me work on my existing situation while other ideas I store for future use. When you exercise your mind produces endorphins which is our body’s natural opiate that enables us to face pain and unpleasant circumstances. When your body is weak your problems become larger than life so make sure you make yourself healthy and you keep yourself healthy all the time.

4. READ AND LEARN

My books are some of my best friends and they keep me good company. Not only that. Podcasts and audio books keep me learning too. I don’t want to be passive when I see myself in the middle of a difficult situation but since I know I am no superman and is in no position to alter the situation, while waiting for new developments to happen I keep my mind occupied with reading and listening so I can learn and get more new ideas. And then the time is right, apply them and make use of good time.

Hey…I don’t care what the religious fanatics say but depression hits even the best of us. It is not something to be ashamed of. Even the great men of the Bible went through it.

The key here is to understand you do not have to stay depressed.

12 Ways to Fight Depression Part 2

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