God has been gracious. Blesses us with 3 children we’re proud of, a decent roof over our heads and humble businesses that are growing and debt-free. We’ve had disagreements but we know what to do. When one is flaring up the other one just keeps quiet. Let the “tropical depression” pass first and then discuss the matter. The kids see this. This is why they know how to handle disagreements agreeably.

Maintaining a good marriage is not walk in the park. This reminds me of a story. A conversation took place between husband and wife: Wife: ‘What are you doing?’ Husband: “Nothing.” Wife: ‘Nothing? You are so sweet. You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’ Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’ It is not true that most marriages fail. What is true is that most people in the marriage allow it to fail. And what causes this? “WORDS!” Simple yet so sinister. Looks harmless yet so hurtful. While words carry the power to heal, it also carries the power to harm and the truth is that hurting words seem to outnumber healing words everywhere you go. Words may even go unnoticed and it operates covertly. “I’m sorry but don’t love you anymore…” Oh that really hurts and penetrates deep into the recesses of the soul. And the deterioration accelerates at this point. Some people add a lot more chili into the enchilada by saying: “I don’t love you anymore and I am not sure I ever did.” “I’m leaving you. I need more space.” Sounds like the words come straight out of a soap opera series but this scene does happen. Now what do you do? Get a lawyer, go to a counselor? Pack up your things and go to your mother?

Consider this scene in your mind. You’re in a mall. Your child wants something and you are not willing to buy him. He goes into a tantrum. He shouts, he screams and for those who are undisciplined even tried to hit his mother. Does the mother hit him back? Does the mother puts him up for adoption? Does the mother sue her son? No. She ducks; she does nothing because she wants to make sure that she will not “reward” the tantrum and the behavior. The one principle she understands is that she will not be taking the tantrum personally because it’s not about her.

There are many men out there who would not admit it but they are actually in some kind of tantrum experiences. They look at the mirror and are shocked to see the lines and wrinkles on his face. The gray hair comes, some hair disappear. The energy level is no longer high and the younger, tech savvy arrogant kids are threatening to take over his job. His career has reached a plateau. His personal trajectory is no longer arcing upward and it’s more like a flat line on a heart monitor. This gets to even the best of them. “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” “I want more space.” Sometimes these are not serious words. These are merely tantrum words. So how should you respond? Cry? Weep? Go into a tantrum yourself and recite a litany of the sacrifices you’ve made through the years? But these would have been predictable. Maybe what you need to do is to make sure you are calm, controlled and composed and say: “I don’t believe you.” This is wise and deep. Because whether he means it or not you may not be able to change his mind. What you can do is to control your responses. “You’re no longer the same woman I used to know.” Wow! That may pack a mean punch. But what you need to decide is, “Is this relationship big enough and important enough to fight for?” Maybe this next line would carry the weight of a potential counter punch. “I don’t know how and what you feel at the moment but it will not be powerful enough to stop me from continuing to love you and support you.” And then you give him space. Give him time to figure things out. There are many men out there who are having mid-life tantrums. These advices may not work all the time but you are still responsible for living your life well and doing your best to care for your family. But the one thing I know works best. Pray. Pray that God would use this opportunity to bring the two of you to a personal relationship with Christ in a more intimate way. Do not let tantrum words destroy what God has put together. Erma Bombeck says: “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

Don’t just assume your marriage will work. Work on your marriage every day. You don’t just grow your business, you grow in your marriage relationship as well.

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Should he go to Paris and risk not being at his wife’s side when their baby was born? Or should he withdraw from the team and remain with his family?

Bill’s wife insisted that he go to Paris. After all, competing in the Olympics was the culmination of a life-long dream. But Bill felt conflicted and, after much soul-searching, decided to withdraw from the competition and remain home where he could support his wife when the child arrived. As it turned out, the United States four-man canoe team won the gold medal in Paris. And Bill’s wife was late in giving birth to their child. The birth was so late, in fact, that Bill could have competed in the event and returned home in time to be with her when she delivered.

People said, “What a shame.” But Bill said he had no regrets. For the rest of his life, he believed he had made the better decision. Bill Havens knew what was most important to him. There is an interesting sequel to the story.

The child eventually born to Bill and his wife was a boy, whom they named Frank. Twenty-eight years later, in 1952, Bill received a cablegram from Frank. It was sent from Helsinki, Finland, where the 1952 Olympics were being held. The cablegram read: “Dad, I won. I’m bringing home the gold medal you lost while waiting for me to be born.”

Frank Havens had just won the gold medal for the United States in the canoe-racing event, a medal his father had dreamed of winning but never did.

Once a champion always a champion if not now then through the next generation.

This beautiful story by Steve Goodier in his E-newsletter entitled “The Life Support System” reminds us of what is most important in life.

I have a great relationship with my son.

Two years ago, the two of us co-wrote a book on “Paren-teen” and we had fun doing it. The book is entitled: “Why Don’t You Grow Up… Dad!”
I’m proud of him and I see the maturity he shows as the years go by.

He’s into a lot of things now. Totally business minded he enjoys working for a very successful company doing marketing stuffs and meanwhile pursues his passion for music as he plays the drums for a fast rising popular band. He’s into sports too. He does Brazilian Jujitsu, Capuera and boxing and the day he went into martial arts was the day I have decided to be kinder to him.

He tells me he wants to have his own family by the time he hits 30 so that’s a good many years away but that is the precise reason why I am so careful with the way I live. I have to be an example to him because I want him to have a successful family too.

He sees me as a businessman and he likes to be one too and that’s good.

He sees me taking good care of my health and he does the same thing and that’s good too.

But the one thing I want to see in him is that he will have a God-centered family one day and this is why I need to make sure that mine is today.

My son and I know that real men are not those you see fooling around with other women; real men are those who are big enough and brave enough to stay true to their roles as a faithful husband to his wife and a diligent father to his kids.

HERE ARE THE TEN TOP THINGS THAT MAKE A REAL MAN:

10. Comes home directly from work knowing his “real” job is about to start.

9. Is not afraid to get down on hands and knees and play “horsie”.

8. Kisses his children and shows them a man can be gentle.

7. Kisses his wife in front of his children so the children can be secure in the knowledge of a united home.

6. Hugs his family and says “I love you.”

5. Is not afraid to cry.

4. Goes with his family to church.

3. Values the advice of his wife.

2. Starts each day with a “quiet time”, talking to the Lord.

And the number one thing:
1. Willing to give his own life for his family.

The question now is how are you doing in this list?

Take advantage of the Lenten season to be with your family. You have to plan and schedule time with your family well just as you do with business commitments. Let the words of businessman Lee Iacocca be a reminder for all of us for this is what he says: “No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”

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