Let me share this story with you.

A rich landowner named Carl often rode around his vast estate so he could congratulate himself on his great wealth. One day while riding around his estate on his favorite horse, he saw Hans, an old tenant farmer. Hans was sitting under a tree when Carl rode by.

Hans said, 'I was just thanking God for my food.'

Carl protested, 'If that is all I had to eat, I wouldn't feel like giving thanks.'
Hans replied, 'God has given me everything I need, and I am thankful for it.'
The old farmer added, 'It is strange you should come by today because I had a dream last night. In my dream a voice told me, 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.' I don't know what it means, but I thought I ought to tell you.'

Carl snorted, 'Dreams are nonsense,' and galloped away, but he could not forget Hans' words: 'The richest man in the valley will die tonight.' He was obviously the richest man in the valley, so he invited his doctor to his house that evening. Carl told the doctor what Hans had said. After a thorough examination, the doctor told the wealthy landowner, 'Carl, you are as strong and healthy as a horse. There is no way you are going to die tonight.'

Nevertheless, for assurance, the doctor stayed with Carl, and they played cards through the night. The doctor left the next morning and Carl apologized for becoming so upset over the old man's dream. At about nine o'clock, a messenger arrived at Carl's door.

'What is it?' Carl demanded.

The messenger explained, 'It's about old Hans. He died last night in his sleep.'

So who is the truly wealthy person?

I guess the next question I have to ask you is this.

Are you truly wealthy?

I know many people who are greedy. Some are open and even honest with their greed. I remember one gentleman who talked to me one day and said, “You know Francis why we are not as wealthy as the super millionaires out there? “Why sir?” I asked. With a serious look in his eye he looked at me sternly and said, “Because we are not greedy enough.”

“Whoa!” I have never heard anyone say something like this but at least he is honest. The closest thing is Gordon Gekko from the movie “Wall Street” who popularized the famous chant of the 80’s “Greed is good!” (And he landed in jail)

But the worst kind of greedy people are those who scheme, plan, deceive and persist in saying, “It’s not the money but the principle behind it.” “Yeah Right!” It must be the principle of greed that’s what. Meanwhile they rob you blind.

I have seen the greedy falling and I have seen the greedy fallen. I have seen the generous blessed. God does not sleep. The scheming greedy people when given enough rope will hang themselves. Because they have forgotten the principle that greed may get them what they want but will certainly rob them of what they already have.

Meanwhile, we have to make sure that our riches and wealth would go beyond this life and the boundaries of this decaying planet. And when our riches are in our intimacy with Christ then this kind of investment is safe. Our relationship with our loved ones is strong. We have peace in our heart. We have the confidence to face people because we are as real as we can be. This for me is what true riches is all about.

August 13 turned out to be a very bright and sunny day for us. I prayed for good weather. As early as 8AM people lined up the registration table and entered the halls of the SMX Convention Center.

We started the conference 15 minutes after 9. The speakers were awesome. Jowee and Mon of Team Manila wowed the audience with their presentation of designs and challenged the young people to pursue arts and cause social change in this country. Alex Lacson talked about loving and serving the country. Humble and gentlemanly as usual Lacson inspired the audience with his passion for changing the negative mindset of Filipinos on themselves and challenged the audience to become more positive and responsive to the call for progress in the country. Famous TV personality Dyan Castillejo is a natural. She got the entire audience laughing and moving and she led the one thousand plus people to a short workout. And Dr. Josette Biyo, the Iloilo educator with a planet named after her - made the audience laugh, made them cry but on its entirety made the audience inspired and proud of what Filipinos can achieve worldwide.

The entire activity went overtime but I did not have the heart to stop them while they were on the roll and the audience was savoring it in.

I left a huge chunk of my material unsaid and untaught. Perhaps these are meant for the next event.

But not wanting to shortchange my clients, I will present certain portions of the seminar that were not presented such as these. And if you want to take down notes this would be a good time.

THERE ARE 4 AREAS OF COMPETENCE:

CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE – You know that you know.

CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE – You know that you do not know.

UNCONSICOUS INCOMPETENCE – You don’t know that you don’t know.

UNCONSCIOUS COMPETENCE – You don’t need to know you know because you already know it.

But there is the most dangerous one:

UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE PLUS – You don’t know that you don’t know but everybody knows you don’t know – DUH!

THERE ARE 4 TYPES OF LEARNERS:

1. AN ACTIVITISTS – Prefers to learn by doing.

The person most likely to set up the computer out of the box and begin playing with it.

2. A REFLECTOR – Someone who likes to think about and learn from experience.

Before turning on the new PC, she thinks about how she used computers before.

3. A THEORIST – Someone who prefers to understand the theory of how something works by reading and researching. So he pores over the companion instruction manual first.

4. A PRAGMATIST – Someone who wants to know what something can do for you – it’s practical application. And so he or she will review the table of contents and go to the sections that apply most directly to what she wants to use the computer for.

AND THEN THERE ARE DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS:

1. Visual People – Some people learn best by visuals. They have to see how it is done.
2. Auditory People – Some people learn best by hearing and listening to instructions.
3. Kinesthetic People – Some people learn best by touching, handling.

The most effective learning involves a combination of all three.

Notes:

Not only do learners have preferred learning styles but teachers and trainers also have their own preferred teaching styles. And their styles tend to use the same style they have for learning.

LEARNING HAS NOT TAKEN PLACE UNTIL BEHAVIOR CHANGES.

LEARNING IS A PROCESS. TRAINING IS A PROCESS.

If I talk to my children only once a year about being good, I won’t get a good response. But constant communication and feedback ensure that my children can and probably will do better.

This is why the Bible says we are to constantly teach God’s Word to our children. It doesn’t stop.

That’s enough for today. Tired yet fulfilled. Body sore but happy.

This is always the feeling of someone who knows a day has been well spent.

You’re probably asking, “How can you control time in a 24/7 environment?”

Winners carry this secret with them all the time. They know that each man is given exactly 24 hours a day and it’s how time is spent or wasted that spells the difference between success, mediocrity or failure.

You can control your time. You choose how to "spend" your time and how much of your time to give to various activities. You'll never get more time than the 24 hours you’re given each day. But nobody can ever shortchange it but you.

Doesn’t it amaze you that the people who make the worst use of time may be the same ones who complain that there is never enough time.

Sociologists say that the most important currency for the 21^st century is time not money.

Therefore you make sure that you spend your time wisely.

This doesn’t mean you bury yourself in work and fail to maintain some semblance of sanity in our life, this simply means you spend time on things that will help you grow as a person and you stay away from activities that would hinder you from your success goals.

• When you spend more time watching pirated DVD movies than reading books you’re wasting your time.
• When you would rather be out with the boys (or the girls) than spend time with your family you are wasting time.
• When you gulp it down, shoot it up or snort it in you’re not only wasting your time you’re wasting your life.

Now may I make a suggestion?

Rather than thinking time management all the time, why not start thinking “Task Management?”

Prioritize tasks that add value towards achieving your lifetime success goals. Anything that does not accomplish this you discard and throw it into your wastebasket.

Leon Hansen composed this poem entitled “Take Some Time.”

Read the words carefully:

Take Some Time
by Leon Hansen

Take some time to smell the flowers.  As you walk the paths of life.

Take some time to ease the tensions.  From the challenges and the strife.

Take some time to hear the birds sing.  As they usher in the dawn.

Though the day be just emerging.  Too soon it will be gone.

Take some time to watch a sunrise.  Now and then a sunset too.

Just be sure that seeking pleasure.  Isn't all you ever do.

Take some time to count your blessings.  Though you feel they're not that great.

You will find they're more abundant.  Than you thought, at any rate.

Take some time to banish hatred.  When and where you can.

Just detest man's evil ways.  And not your fellow man.

Take some time to love your children.  Every moment you are free.

The benefits sure exceed.  A university degree.

Take some time to love your neighbor.  And even more important still,

Take some time to love yourself.  Or not many others will.

And if you don't like that image.  Of yourself that others see,

Take some time to make some changes,. Be the best that you can be.

Take some time to help another.  Who you think might need a hand.

You will find the satisfaction.  Leaves you feeling sort of grand.

Take some time to live by virtue.  In the best way that is known,

And respect the rights of others.  As equal to your own.

Take some time to just appreciate.  The fact that you are here,

And to know the risen Lord.  And to trust Him without fear.

If you do these things with diligence. You will eventually be glad.

If you don't attempt to do them. You may one day wish you had.

Although this no doubt could impose. Upon your time for seeking wealth,

There should be little question. That it could improve your health.

And though you might not be as wealthy. Nor drive so fine a car,

You'll find you will be richer. In other ways by far. [1]

Our time is in God’s Hands but He has empowered us to use it responsibly.

[1] By Leon Hansen , from A 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul  Copyright 1999 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears, and days later wrote a note to her saying: "Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."

The sacrifice has been made but the gratitude was never there.

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

I have gone through this and so have you. How easy it is for people to forget. The sacrifices, the friendship, the love, the moments of help you have extended yet today, not only were they forgotten, the very people you have helped and loved have turned against you, hate you and even do their best to destroy you. Such is the state of the sinful heart. This is why Scriptures warn us against our own hearts. That the heart is hopelessly wicked and is bent towards plotting evil.

Just think about this. God has always been good yet people refuse to accept Him and continue to live a life that defies His Will and His Ways. All of us are ungrateful people and only by the Grace and Mercies of God are we delivered from ourselves.The moment one turns to Christ, God replaces the stony heart with a tender one and puts the indwelling Spirit and sets up residence in the life of the person. And this is the only way why and how people can truly change into a brand new life.

Do not be ungrateful.

Today, before you say an unkind word,
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food,
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife,
Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life,
Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
Before you complain about your children,
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep,
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive,
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job,
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another,
Remember that not one of us is without sin.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down,
Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around. And you can still put yourself in the loving mercies of the Savior.

Today may just be your day.

The three days of fun-filled activities were great. The lectures superb and it’s such a great feeling listening, learning and absorbing this time when most of my life is predicated on standing on the stage and delivering a lecture. All through out the teaching and the testimonials, the one prevailing thought of mine is that nobody grows into becoming an expert in parenting.

Families have to deal with issues all the time.

For example, a family was preparing to do some separate Christmas shopping at the mall. Before they split up, the father said, "Let's synchronize our watches and agree to meet in the parking lot at five o'clock sharp." The four adjusted their respective watches. Then the mother turned to the father, and with hand outstretched said, "O.K. Now let's all synchronize our wallets!"

Money is an issue to many families I know.

What about relatives that live with them?

A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Auntie Emma. For seven long years she lived with them, always complaining, always demanding.

Finally the old lady died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Auntie Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Auntie Emma! She cried. I thought she was your Auntie Emma!" Who really is Auntie Emma and nobody bothered to check!

Even families who have to bear with their father’s wealth and eccentricity are longing for the day when death will come and the agony to be replaced by the inheritance to be received. They have their problems too. Consider this story:

The relatives were gathered for the reading of the Last Will And Testament after the long awaited death.

The lawyer opened the envelope, and read solemnly:

"Being of sound mind and body, I spent every last cent before I died."

There are fathers who are extremely authoritative and controlling. Always wielding money and inheritance as their whips to get their children to do what he wants. And on the extreme side of the pendulum there are absentee fathers who are just too apathetic leaving the role of leading the family to the wife or someone else. How do we strike a balance?

My house is a mess. Our master’s bedroom is cluttered and untidy. The Ilocana has settled down to the fact that its current state is serving its purpose. I travel all the time. I do corporate training and keynotes that would make me travel to all parts of the country and sometimes abroad as well. But in most instances I will depart on the day I have to speak and take another flight and come home on the same day so I would have time to have dinner with my children. Now this is why my house is messy.

It’s rare that our family would have dinner on our dinner table. These are special occasions reserved only when my two daughters prepare gourmet meals for us. But most of the time we would have picnics in our master’s bedroom. Dinner is always a great time for us to pray together, share stories, watch a movie together, have fun and just enjoy each other’s company. No lectures, no heavy and hard stuff and no talk about business.

My house is a mess. I kid you not. Ask for hot sauce and we readily have it in our bedroom. The place is littered with a lot of ‘stuff” but this is home for us. I have actually invited obsessive compulsive and over-controlling fathers to visit my house and observe our master’s bedroom and it has been therapeutic to them!

Here is my guiding philosophy as to why I let this happen. Strength of character may be acquired at work, but beauty of character is learned at home.

I would rather have a messy house but a great loving home and enjoy dinner with my family. A Chinese proverb says: Better a cottage where one is merry than a palace where one weeps! George Moore says it so well: “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

I am finding it and the question I ask you now is: “Are you?”

Before the NBA ever heard of Shaquille O'Neal, Dikembe Mutombo or Tim Duncan; back before anyone knew the name Hakeem Olajuwon; in the days before Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ruled the hardwoods, Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell changed the nature of professional basketball with the way they played the center position.

Chamberlain was a great scorer and Russell was known more for his defense, but no matter which end of the court they were on, they played above the rim like no centers before them ever had.

Russell, however, is best known not for his offense or his defense but for something else - winning. His No. 6 jersey was retired by the Boston Celtics in 1972 to honor his contributions as the anchor to teams that won nine consecutive NBA titles. He added two more titles as a player/coach.

That's why it was such an honor to meet him at a recent NBA All-Star game, and that's why I wasn't surprised to hear what he said about great team players: "The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I'd made my teammates play."

One of the qualities of a great team player, you see, is that they enlarge others. Bill Russell isn't just a large man; he's a man who enlarged others. He made them better.

Here are five characteristics of people who enlarge others.

1. Enlargers value their teammates.

When you think about your teammates, place a "10" on their heads. If we think of others as 10s, we'll do everything to add value to them. Our behavior is totally different when we think of someone else as a two. Seeing others in the very best light makes the entire team better because usually our level of performance equals the level of value placed on us.

2. Enlargers know and relate to what their teammates value.

Here's how you can tell if you value people: Do you value people who won't benefit you or only those who might contribute in some way to your success? Great team players truly value others as people, and they know and relate to what others value. When I want to know and relate to others, I look for five things. I want to know their dreams, values, skills, attitudes and life questions. We all have questions, by the way. If you can find the pathway to a person's questions, you can always find the pathway to a person's heart.

3. Enlargers add value to their teammates.

Whatever the project, task or situation, enlargers find ways to make others around them better because they approach life as a win/win situation. They realize that making others better isn't just better for others; it's better for everyone. As the old adage goes, a rising tide lifts all boats.

4. Enlargers make themselves more valuable.

You cannot give what you do not have, so self-improvement precedes team improvement. The first step toward improving the team is to improve yourself. The only way I can keep leading is to keep growing.  The greatest way that I can add value to my team is to make myself more valuable. If I can become a better player, if I can continually increase my skills, if I can continually become enlarged within myself, then I have the capacity to enlarge others.

5. Enlargers initiate.

Enlargers believe in others before they believe in themselves, serve others before they serve themselves, and add value to others before they add value to themselves. See the common thread? The word "before."

They have the ability to see potential in another person before they even see potential within themselves. They have the ability to start action. They have the ability to start belief. They are initiators.

Maxwell is so right. Initiate. Enlarge. Be a great team player.

Serving others is the best way of enlarging others.

Even Scriptures say that he who wants to lead must first serve. And when we serve we do not only enlarge others, we also enlarge ourselves in a positive way.

Oh how I wish that this time, God would raise up a new set of leaders who would enlarge our country and never their own pockets.

Well let’s go back to my story. Today I will be the object of our study. There is no person in the world apart from God who knows me as well as I do.

I talked a lot. I wanted conversation all the time. But I was told to stay quiet or else I would be disturbing others. This is why they punished me. But when it came to class recitations, I refused to participate. I hate speaking in public. But I wanted to move a lot. This is why I could never stay still. And so they made me stand in a corner in order to stay still. I stood on a corner so often they practically named that corner after me. I am absolutely certain I had ADHD. But they still have not discovered it yet. And the medication for that has not yet been invented.

I joined the basketball team. I made it to varsity. I would practice 3 times a day all 3 hours each. And on weekends compete against other teams for a few more games. My grades were low; I was branded as dumb and to prove them right I flunked high school a couple of times. I earned me a PhD in High School. In case you’re wondering what it is, PhD means “Passing High-School with Difficulty.” I went to college only after spending endless summers in remedial classes. I hate memorization. And because I hated it I performed poorly in subjects that required a lot of it. When I got bored because I hated memory work I would move around and do other things. Oh I am sure I had ADHD.

This is why when I discovered the story of Gillian Barbara Lynne I got excited. Gillian was an underachiever. She could not pass many subjects and she was constantly moving and could not hold her attention and concentration.

She also had ADHD. But this deficiency was not discovered yet. Lynne had been underperforming at school, so her mother took her to the doctor and explained about her fidgeting and lack of focus. After hearing everything her mother said, the doctor told Lynne that he needed to talk to her mother privately for a moment. He turned on the radio and walked out. Both the doctor and the mother looked at Lynne. When she was left alone and the music came out of the radio Lynne began dancing. The doctor told the mom, there is nothing wrong with Lynne. Lynne is a dancer. And so the doctor encouraged the mother to take her to dance school. Mercifully the mother agreed to the advice. The moment she hit the school she felt right at home. She became an excellent dancer. Even at age 13 she was reaping awards. And when she grew older she became a choreographer and director working with names like the Royal Opera House, Royal Shakespeare Company and English National Opera as well as many West End and Broadway shows.

She became a prolific TV choreographer and director for The Muppet Show series. Today she is known best for her work with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber as she choreographed Webber’s musicals like Cats, The Phantom of the Opera. She is a multi-millionaire in US Dollars. Had Gillian Lynne been a child today she would have been given medication and told to calm down. This is why I am sure today that just like Lynne, I had ADHD when I was a child. Good thing they had no medication then.

I may have ADHD but I know that God has a plan for me. You should know that Scriptures say that you are wonderfully and beautifully made. So please calm down... without medication.

I'm INSP!RED 2

May 14, 2010 / 9am - 5pm

SMX Convention Center, Pasay City

For inquiries & tickets,
call  687-2614 and look for Krisselle or Pam.

Or email: inquiry@inspireph.com / Krisselle@inspireph.com.

Success. It's a temptation, it's an intoxicant. It is a sedative and can be highly addictive. We don't normally look at it that way but what begins as a desire soon becomes a right. And if we do not experience success in one way, we will pursue success in another way. All because success equals life and what is life without success?

We at Inspire Leadership Consultancy are privileged to bring to the Philippines Dr. Ramesh Richard who has spoken on the ultimate issues on life to tens of thousands of people around the globe from Harvard to Haiti. Joining him are our very own Francis J. Kong and Husband and Wife team Anthony Pangilinan and Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan who will share the stage with Dr. Richard and share their thoughts on what is real success from the home to the organization.

5 Things you will learn

1. What our models of success tell us and don't tell us.
2. Setting ourselves up for success: The 5 Traps that could spell Loss.
3. From the boardroom to the cubicle: Aligning an organization's success to your personal success.
4. An individual's success first happens inside the home then outside.
5. Develop a success plan that will make you truly successful.

About your speakers

Dr. Ramesh Richard is an inspirational speaker on the ultimate issues of life where he has spoken to thousand of people ranging from Prime Ministers to the masses in over 80 countries. Dr. Richard is also a graduate school professor and has earned two doctoral degrees from the Dallas Theological Seminary and the University of Delhi. He has authored several books including "Soul Mission" and "Soul Vision".

Francis J. Kong is the best-selling author of Only the Real Matters and 9 other books, FRANCIS J. KONG is a much sought-after inspirational speaker who has been featured in more than 1,500 major conventions both here and abroad. He also holds the distinction of speaking together with John Maxwell in the country's largest single learning event held at the Araneta Coliseum, in front of 14,000 leaders in September 2004.

You can hear him in his daily Radio ProgramBusiness Matters which was given a Year 2007 special citation by the Catholic Mass Media Awards. You can read him through his Saturday and Sunday column of the Business Page of The Philippine Star. You can see him as he regularly guests every Thursday morning at ABS-CBN's popular morning show Umagang Kay Ganda.

Anthony N. Pangilinan is Inspire's Director and Chief Trainer.  He has received numerous accolades as a trainer for various programs on leadership, communication, and management.  He was adjudged "best facilitator" when he attended John Maxwell's Developing the Leader Within You Train-the-Trainer workshop at Atlanta, Georgia.

Anthony was a news anchor for ABC-5 for eight years and a program designer and trainer for communication and media workshops for ad and communication agencies as well as other industries.

Anthony got his certification from Ziglar Worldwide in the UK for the Ziglar programs. Concurrently, Anthony is Chairman of the Board and Chief Disturber of BusinessWorks, Inc. and Executive Director of The PLDT-Smart Foundation.

Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan is an award-winning actress and book author. She has won a Catholic Mass Media Award for her children's book Super Benji in 2006.

She also has three other books: the recently published, "Meet my SuperDad", I Love You, Yaya" Handbook and best selling "Mommy Talk: the "Oh's" and "Oh no's" of Motherhood, a compilation of articles which appeared in her column. She writes a weekly column for the Philippine Star called Mommy Talk.

She and husband Anthony run several family businesses together that is mostly geared to education and family empowerment. Lately, Maricel is living and loving life more by sharing her husband's passion for triathlon where they go through all the preparations and jitters together. One of her proudest accomplishments is joining the renowned Camsur 70.3 IronMan Triathlon where she finished her 1.9-kilometer swim.

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God has been gracious. Blesses us with 3 children we’re proud of, a decent roof over our heads and humble businesses that are growing and debt-free. We’ve had disagreements but we know what to do. When one is flaring up the other one just keeps quiet. Let the “tropical depression” pass first and then discuss the matter. The kids see this. This is why they know how to handle disagreements agreeably.

Maintaining a good marriage is not walk in the park. This reminds me of a story. A conversation took place between husband and wife: Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: “Nothing.” Wife: ‘Nothing? You are so sweet. You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' It is not true that most marriages fail. What is true is that most people in the marriage allow it to fail. And what causes this? “WORDS!” Simple yet so sinister. Looks harmless yet so hurtful. While words carry the power to heal, it also carries the power to harm and the truth is that hurting words seem to outnumber healing words everywhere you go. Words may even go unnoticed and it operates covertly. “I’m sorry but don’t love you anymore...” Oh that really hurts and penetrates deep into the recesses of the soul. And the deterioration accelerates at this point. Some people add a lot more chili into the enchilada by saying: “I don’t love you anymore and I am not sure I ever did.” “I’m leaving you. I need more space.” Sounds like the words come straight out of a soap opera series but this scene does happen. Now what do you do? Get a lawyer, go to a counselor? Pack up your things and go to your mother?

Consider this scene in your mind. You’re in a mall. Your child wants something and you are not willing to buy him. He goes into a tantrum. He shouts, he screams and for those who are undisciplined even tried to hit his mother. Does the mother hit him back? Does the mother puts him up for adoption? Does the mother sue her son? No. She ducks; she does nothing because she wants to make sure that she will not “reward” the tantrum and the behavior. The one principle she understands is that she will not be taking the tantrum personally because it’s not about her.

There are many men out there who would not admit it but they are actually in some kind of tantrum experiences. They look at the mirror and are shocked to see the lines and wrinkles on his face. The gray hair comes, some hair disappear. The energy level is no longer high and the younger, tech savvy arrogant kids are threatening to take over his job. His career has reached a plateau. His personal trajectory is no longer arcing upward and it’s more like a flat line on a heart monitor. This gets to even the best of them. “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” “I want more space.” Sometimes these are not serious words. These are merely tantrum words. So how should you respond? Cry? Weep? Go into a tantrum yourself and recite a litany of the sacrifices you’ve made through the years? But these would have been predictable. Maybe what you need to do is to make sure you are calm, controlled and composed and say: “I don’t believe you.” This is wise and deep. Because whether he means it or not you may not be able to change his mind. What you can do is to control your responses. “You’re no longer the same woman I used to know.” Wow! That may pack a mean punch. But what you need to decide is, “Is this relationship big enough and important enough to fight for?” Maybe this next line would carry the weight of a potential counter punch. “I don’t know how and what you feel at the moment but it will not be powerful enough to stop me from continuing to love you and support you.” And then you give him space. Give him time to figure things out. There are many men out there who are having mid-life tantrums. These advices may not work all the time but you are still responsible for living your life well and doing your best to care for your family. But the one thing I know works best. Pray. Pray that God would use this opportunity to bring the two of you to a personal relationship with Christ in a more intimate way. Do not let tantrum words destroy what God has put together. Erma Bombeck says: “Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”

Don’t just assume your marriage will work. Work on your marriage every day. You don’t just grow your business, you grow in your marriage relationship as well.

One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

One day an old woman was on her deathbed and she gave some last minutes instructions to her long time friend. The old woman said, “Mila, I know my time is up. I want you to do everything I say. The day I die, do not bury me. Burn me. I want a cremation.” “But why?” asked Mila her old time friend. The old woman said, “Cremate me and then gather my ashes and spread it over the grounds of SM Mega Mall.” Puzzled, Mila asked. This is a very strange request. I don’t understand this.” The old woman explained. “Mila, I miss my children so much. After my cremation, gather all of my ashes and spread it all across the shopping mall. That way I can be assured that my children would at least visit once a week.”

Christmas time may be a picture of celebration and joviality but it could be pretty lonely for old folks whose relatives no longer visit. One businessman complained. He said: “Banks never seem to get totally into the holiday spirit. My bank sent me a card that said, “Have a Happy Holiday. If You Are Already Having A Happy Holiday, Please Disregard This Notice.” Christmas is a strange time of year. That’s when people celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace by buying toy rockets, submarines, artillery, and hand grenades for their children.[1] But certain people reach heights of depression when Christmas time comes. Memories. Many painful ones. You see the occasion may be important but never as important as relationships no matter what day of the year is. Take this occasion to remember your loved ones.

History teaches us lessons so we can learn. Some painful ones too. Thomas Carlyle had married his secretary, whom he dearly loved, but he was thoughtless and absorbed in his own interests and activities, treating his wife as if she were still his employee. Stricken with cancer, she was confined to bed for a long time before she died. After her funeral, Carlyle went back to his empty house. Disconsolate and grieving, he wandered around downstairs thinking about the woman he had loved. After a while he went upstairs to her room and sat down in the chair beside the bed on which she had been lying for months. He realized with painful regret that he had not sat there very often during her long illness. He noticed her diary. While she was alive, he never would have read it, but now that she was gone he felt free to pick it up and thumb through its pages. One entry caught his eye: “Yesterday he spent an hour with me. And it was like being in heaven. I love him so much.” He turned a few more pages and read, “I listened all day to hear his steps in the hallway. And now it’s late. I guess he won’t come to see me.” Carlyle read a few more entries and then threw the book on the floor and rushed out through the rain back to the cemetery. He fell on his wife’s grave in the mud, sobbing, “If only I had known … if only I had known.”[2]

Make sure you know what to spend this Christmas time. Spend time with your loved ones and not just money on gifts. Christ gave Himself for us…never forget that.

[2]Charles R. Swindoll, The Tale of the Tardy Oxcart and 1,501 Other Stories, (Nashville: Word Publishing) 2000, c1998.